Personal Note XLIII

Yahweh in (יהוה‎):
Moses and the Burning Bush

Why I Write |
Sunday – April 7, 2026

Perhaps I write because I find meaning and joy in writing? No, not at all. I guess though, that it would be cliché to say, to write in this case, that I am writing because I have to write, but in my case this is very much true. In all honesty I cannot say that I particularly enjoy writing at all, but the fact is that I do not need to enjoy something that I have to do, or rather that I need to do. You may also say that this is a kind of calling, but that would also be untrue. There is just no such thing as a calling on a personal level: I am not writing because God told me to write; I am writing because this has to happen, at this point in my life. At another point in my life I will reach another phase, another cycle, and then it may no longer be the case that I should write, and at that point I would need to put my pen down. It is also not the case that I am being, at least not trying to be, individualistic about writing, because really I do not have anything to offer in the writing process, and I am certainly not a qualified writer nor a qualified reader, read the rest of this series. As I stated previously, I am not an enjoyed writer, and quite frankly I find it painful often to write, but as long as I am receiving instruction, not divine, to write I have to continue. But for the most part this is taking up a very large portion of my life, and really if I had another choice I would simply stop writing. Whether or not other people enjoy writing is not an important question to me, and in fact I do not care about joy at all. Is it not important to feel joy? No, but by living you may feel joy, but in and of itself joy has nothing of value to offer, and if you believe that you should do something only because you enjoy it, then you will not be able to keep up with that activity as your joy will run out. The entire idea that joy should dictate life is silly and modern to begin with. Then there are, sometimes, situations where joy happens to coincide with something that has to be done and carried out, and that is an easy thing. But again, I need to emphasize that joy is not important: do you believe that people allowed joy to govern their lives in the past? Of course not, and if they did allow joy to govern their lives, then they would soon become failures, and many of those people did not live long. It is really a kind of mental confusion to assume that everything has to be joyous: would it not be great if you could just sit around and laugh all day? No, and I do believe that still most people are not yet so far gone that they fail to realize this at least, but I could be wrong in my assessment. At any rate, for the most part it appears that joy is an illusion and actually something quite virtual, and I will say that to the extent that joy is virtual it can serve a purpose, but only a very crude and material purpose, and besides, this joy thing goes to the whole concept of starting a career. Who starts or joins a career? Well, only people of a very dwelling and fixed identity and mentality would find pleasure and joy in this. So, I am writing because I need to write, but this is only true at the moment, and whether or not, and in that case when, this will change I am simply unable to tell, but this is not a career or a choice, this is a need. Besides, the whole concept of a career is of course predicated on that dastardly "preference" hysteria these days, but the concept of a career is also deeply rooted in egalitarianism. Also, notice again the compartmentalization going on here: for me writing is not a form of compartmentalization; writing is a kind of extension, and this is why I have no interest in an audience either. I really also need to add how much it makes me infuriated when I write in first person, or 1.5 person as I am seemingly doing write now. Actually, you may say that I am almost writing in second person, but that is a topic for another time indeed. Also, as I have stated, I do not consider myself important, and that is the entire reason why I have dedicated a separate category to myself on this page, previously linked to above. Was that last clause not a tautology?

    What I am trying to write here, which is ironic, is really that I am not a good writer, but my point is not and was never to be a "good" writer, and besides, only a qualified writer is a truly good writer, and most of these modern writers are wholly unqualified in this domain and this is particularly obvious in the case of modern movie making: why is everything always so crude and action oriented? Again, because people lack the ability to engage in contemplation, true contemplation, and anything approaching true contemplation is of course dismissed as nonsense. What should be dismissed as nonsense is all of the noise today. Also, I do not seek sanction from anybody in this endeavor, and once I have completed my mission, I will simply fade away, and that is just as well. To fade away would be the highest honor, but it is also not the case that I would simply "fade away", because I am actually private in my mastering of the world, and while this may appear as me simply "fading" away, the reality is of course more complex, but further descriptions of that also belong squarely to another post, or rather to the scope of a different post, or rather such back and forth belongs to the domain of another scope, in mathematical sense. Also, I should add that I reject the notion that there can be such a thing as honor in the modern world: where is honor to be found in this hell? Indeed, what modern man has created is actually closer to a hell on Earth, as opposed to a terrestrial paradise. But this would also be too difficult for the moderns to imagine.

    Anyways this has been an exhaustion post and really quite painful, but here I am because I needed to write this. I don't have a style or an intent, I just have a mission that needs to be executed. This was never about money either. Besides, who the hell cares about money anyways? Indeed, another tautology!

Reginald Drax – April 7, 2026.