Personal Note LV

Yahweh in (יהוה‎):
Moses and the Burning Bush

My Life |
Saturday – September 19, 2026

My life is currently a little bit of a disaster, and this is mostly due to my major and intense issues with my gallbladder, my diseased and degenerated gallbladder, and so because of this, my life is a complete mess, a complete disaster at the moment. Yes, I had a routine, and a somewhat functioning life up until about July, when my latest gallstone attack hit me, and I have yet to be able to recover from that attack, read my "Medical Emergency Updates". This is not funny, not at all, but since I have to wait for the intervention of modern and profane medicine, I simply have no choice but to suffer through this, and yes it is painful both physically and mentally, and I suppose that the mental pain is always worse than the physical pain, and if not worse, certainly more diffuse and harder to treat and manage. I have also had the misfortune to not be able to develop any kind of disease properly, and what I mean by that is that I seldom tend to get full on sickness, instead my body tends to be able to mount an effective defense against the disease. The only problem with this is that sometimes you will end up developing diseases that cannot get better without treatment, such as gallstones, and the fact that my body is very capable of defending itself from the worst parts of gallstones is actually not helpful, since gallstones cannot be cured without intervention, and so essentially my strong immune system has just dragged out my treatment. If I instead had a weaker defense mechanism against an inflamed gallbladder, then I would have been able to be treated for this a long time ago. And so my suffering has to go on it seems. Again, I did not choose to end up in this predicament, but I also cannot blame the circumstances that have led to this situation. I can also admit that I have not had a cold for over two long years, which is unusual. While I have developed gallstones, I have somehow managed to not develop most common diseases that you eventually tend to recover from. My point is also that I am somewhat under the influence here, which is why I am not working as well as I did before, read "Personal Disintegration". Now whether or not I am going to be able to recover from this condition I cannot say, but I am being told that I should be able to make a full recovery, but because of this situation I am simply not able to function very well, which is why I may or may not be affected in my writing on this page. Of course, my intention is not to be affected by this kind of stuff, but since this is something that has happened to me without me being able to avert the cause, I simply stand helpless. I suppose that it is true that gallstones generally are not deadly, but this does not mean that they cannot profoundly disrupt the life of the sufferer, and I am surely suffering at the moment, as are all the children in the world. To me, recovery is not about going back, because I do not believe that it is possible to retrieve myself in the past; no, for me recovery is being able to look ahead, and while I still am able to maintain a certain base level of outlook, this is getting harder and harder I must admit.

    Indeed, I am a serious man and I suppose that being serious is what matters in my situation, because the only thing that can truly save me now is my iron will and inflexible sense of righteousness, for without this I would not be able to survive the assault that I am currently going through, and yes I could blame all sorts of dark and nefarious forces for this, but I choose to look for the true cause, which in my case is perfectly corporeal in magnitude: I am suffering because of my own actions, and this is very much the case for most people. If there was ever a good reason to learn the benefit of self preservation and self control, this is it, indeed. For me this means that I need to move to eradicate every pestilence in my life that is causing me to feel this way. I believe that this is also the case for most people who are suffering, for they are not strong willed enough to cease with their wicked and material activities; remember, disease and suffering is caused by actions. Now, I can also choose to blame other things such as a slow and sluggish medical system, but these are outside of my control, and so I do not find much meaningful use in blaming those things; yes, the medical system is sluggish and generally not good, but that is the case for most people. What else do we expect when we have given up so much of our integrity in favour of materialism and material pursuits? Of course materialism is bound to fail us at some point. Of course we are the cause of most of our suffering, and in that context I can understand why so many men seem to gravitate towards the explanation that nothing matters and that random misfortune brought about every particle of suffering, but this would simply be false, and I do not believe in spreading falsehoods, mostly because falsehood will perpetuate mutations, and mutations will cause more disease and more suffering, read "Curing Disease". I suppose that only a fool can walk through life believing that luck alone is going to carry him to every mountain top. No, not at all. Most likely your life will be suffering punctuated by failure, and sometimes perhaps you can come upon something good and worthwhile. Yes, this is the essence of life on the planet, and this is surely a universal experience, the background is pain, radiating and penetrating pain, read "What about all the Noise?". Indeed, the default state appears to be pain, and so if you do not wish to experience pain, then you must embrace something in the positive that can act to mitigate your pain, or else you will suffer, and this is more true for humans than for any other species – the human condition as they call it.

    To me this is also not a matter of wonder, because there is nothing wonderful about pain, but I should not carry this monologue too far, because after all I am merely suffering from a mild disequilibrium, and from something that must pass. Really, there are people who have truly fallen into the abyss. I can only remain thankful that I have not fallen into the abyss. Also, this is not about self pity, because I do not feel sad for myself, not at all. This is merely about truth and knowledge, veritas et cognito.

Reginald Drax (AKA, M. C. Dutt) – September 19, 2026.