Personal Note LIII

Yahweh in (יהוה‎):
Moses and the Burning Bush

Personal Disintegration |
Tuesday – September 1, 2026

Personal Disintegration is quite a painful thing to experience, but it is something that I have faced many times in my life, and it is something that I am currently going through, read "Despair". I am facing multiple problems at once, including my diseased gallbladder, and all of these things have served to make my life rather miserable, but still I am here and still I have a certain mission, read "Dreaming", and at the moment I feel distant from my mission, and from my purpose. In the end, we may conclude that a completely closed and mechanical system requires no God, and that we should be happy in this mechanical delusion, if it was that simple that is. Of course, it is not that simple, and even most profane scientists would admit to this, but they would also distance themselves from any perception of "suspect" sympathies, but this is a story for another time.

    Now, some may say that I am depressed, but I do not believe that I am depressed; I believe that I am simply, as I stated above, distant from my mission, and I believe this is the case because I have allowed for the infiltration of malign influences, read "What are Demons?", and this is why I am currently going through a kind of interpersonal upheaval, a crisis but not a existential crisis this time. Indeed, I believe that what I am going through at the moment is a kind of personality crisis: there are too many factors in my life that frankly and simply do not function at the moment, and so a crisis has been created and now this crisis has to be resolved somehow. This is also why I refuse to believe in what moderns call psychology and psychiatry, a topic that I have partly covered in the past,* and I believe that there is a great case to be made that modern sciences regarding the mind are all examples of pseudoscience. Now, I am not facing difficulties that are insurmountable, and I am sure that most people are facing hardships in their lives, but I am noticing a certain friction that I simply do not enjoy and I must state clearly that this is a bad sign. Of course, bad signs in and of themselves are quite meaningless and even harmless, but it is rather what they say about me that I am worried about, but then again there is not much point in worrying without seeking a resolution. This is why I need to seek a resolution from within: what is it about me that can be changed; changed in order to better align with who I am? Here I am not referring merely to preferences and vapid individualism; I am referring to my own supra-individual position in life: where am I headed?

    Now, I do not believe that humans beings can be summed up as vectors heading in this or the other direction, for that conception of humanity is far too mechanical and predictive, and indeed I do not believe in or enjoy engaging in conjectures of all kind, for the fact is that I am under pressure and stressors at the moment that I have unknowingly invited into my own life. Again, this is not the first time this has happened, read "Personal Emergency!", and the last time that it happened it was much more acute than whatever this vague yet more pernicious sensation is, and I can assure myself that it will become better, but I do believe me writing about this the day after I wrote about the 4th dimension is quite significant, but as I do not yet know what to do about this, I should rest for a while. Now, it may be that these interpersonal disturbances will go away without any kind of intervention, but I must still remain circumspect and very weary. Of course, a lot of people would offer the explanation that these things tend to be cyclical, but I do not believe in these pseudo cycles; I do not believe that bad things occur like this because there is any inherent reason for them to occur. I believe they occur independently of time, of the past; in fact I believe that they can be isolated and I believe that if the problem that is causing them can be removed that it would be likely for this disintegration to cease. Then there are also good things about this kind of personal disintegration that I have yet to mention, such as becoming reborn, but I also do not believe that you can become "reborn" under these circumstances. Then we also have the whole issue of disorders and disabilities, and I have made my views clear: there is no such thing as a disorder or a disability; there are only diseases, and if you have concluded that you are the sufferer of a disordered mind, then so be it, but in that case you are indeed the sufferer of a disease. Things such as ADHD are either real or they are made up, and it does seem to me that the condition of so-called ADHD is made up, while the persons who claim to suffer from this really do suffer; they suffer from a mental condition that has enabled them to lose sight of their true personality and sense of self, and because they are now misguided they label themselves sufferers of ADHD. Again, these people are then encouraged by the established authorities to go down this path of "disability". I, read "Who Am I?", on the other hand suffer from no disability or disorder, except from my diseased gallbladder, but I do not any problems admitting that my gallbladder is diseased, and that it must be removed in order for this disease to dissipate. Of course, disorders and disabilities are different, for they are permanent or at any rate made permanent, and so people simply make no effort in actually treating them. It is also quite significant of the rampant individualism of our times that people should make their disorders part of their identity. After all, what kind of sane person would identify with a disease, a disorder, a disability? This simply does not seem very sane to me. The same seems to me to apply to people who claim to be "addicted": they are addicted because they have been made to believe that they must rely on some kind of substance, and so they have successfully created an enclosed system for themselves where they do not have another choice but to rely on drugs or other substances, read "Are Imagination Enhancers Good?". At the end of the day, this is not an individual issue that I have to deal with; this is a systemic issue and a sign of our times.

Reginald Drax (AKA, M. C. Dutt) – September 1, 2026.

Footnote(s)

* For more on this, I direct you to my posts: "What is Mental Illness?", "Theory of Mind", and "The Ego".